Contact: Adam Cothes, Publicist, WinePress Publishing Group, 360-802-9758, adam@winepressgroup.com

ENUMCLAW, Wash., July 29 /Christian Newswire/ -- How would you rate your listening skills? Superior? Fair-to-middlin'? Mediocre?

"Few people listen as well as they think they do," explains Dick Fetzer, a professor of elementary education at Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania. "But relationships can be enhanced, improved--even salvaged--through reflective listening."

In reflective listening, the listener "reflects back" to the speaker what he thought he heard, and awaits confirmation or correction. Anyone can learn the skill, asserts Fetzer. In his book, "Please Listen to Me!: A Christian's Guide to Reflective Listening" (Pleasant Word, 2008). Fetzer addresses the ten most common stumbling blocks to effective communication.

The biggest stumbling block is that we ask too many questions, he says. "When you ask questions, you're not truly listening; you are trying to get information so you can give advice. The conversation quickly becomes focused on the questioner rather than on the speaker's needs."

Fetzer recommends allowing the speaker to be in control of the conversation. "Listening is not about having to solve the speaker's problem," he says. "The greatest help we can give is to get out of the way and allow the speaker to express herself without interruption."

Advice-giving is another common deterrent to effective listening. "The person who presents a problem frequently has the answer to her own problem--although she may not be aware of it," Fetzer says. "It is absolutely crucial that we ignore the urge to give advice."

"Listening reflectively is different from a casual conversation," Fetzer notes. "When we listen reflectively, we sense the speaker's need to share her heart, work through an emotion, or resolve an issue... the focus moves from our needs and concerns to the needs and concerns of the speaker."

In this world of sophisticated communications systems, effective communication boils down to our ability to listen reflectively, Fetzer believes. "When we listen reflectively, it's a win-win for both the speaker and the listener."

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